Oh - where to start!! From here on out my husband ( who I've been seperated from for almost a year) new name will be DA. Last night I listened to the " I'm sorry, I screwed up again, I don't mean to hurt you, I love you etc. etc." We are on the verge of losing everything again. Third home ( duplex this time) in three years!! Lying, cheating, manipulating, turning it all back on me...yada yada..I don't care anymore.
I am just trying to figure out how I can make a life for myself and the kids. I have no skills...I've worked grocery stores, daycares etc. but no skills to make life support. I have an agency that will help pay for school I just can't figure out how to make money while I'm going to school to get the skills? Our car ( the one I drive ) is about to get repossessed because he has not been paying that either. If that goes what will I drive? I am applying at places this week and I pray the right job or something will come along that will work for the kids and me.
I had my own daycare business that did really well for two years then I just got sick with the ulcerative colitis and with all of the mental and emotional abuse it just was to much. I didn't have health insurance. Last March when I was hospitalized for a week we asked DA to move out. I was able to get insurance so I could get medical attention. Finally, six weeks ago they doubled my Remicade and I feel sooo much better. I'm crossing my fingers that this works so I can get back to living life and be able to get out of this situation.
Last night when I went to bed I was talking to God and wishing I had an earthly dad that could help me in all of this. I know God is my Father -- I think I struggle with something tangible that I can trust. I know HE IS TRUSTWORTHY it is me that has the issue. So I just pictured him holding me and tried to go to sleep. I just pray I will see the next step I'm supposed to take. I know there is a way out of this....I will not settle anymore!!
It's a funny thing about life. If you refuse to settle for anything less than the best, that's what it will give you.
W. Somerset Maugham
I am getting ready to go down for my workout. My sisters and I are running our first 5K on May 9, 2009. This is epic for us!! This is one of my life change goals is to get physically fit. Even at 40 I believe I can do it. I think it will go along way in making me feel better about myself. It is amazing how much the human heart can withstand -and how different it is for each person be-before the breaking point to where YOU/ME make changes.
I am up to 2.0 miles on the treadmill. Today I will work my abs and lower body.
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