One Authentic Life

I was just reading through todays praise in a book I'm using and once again am struck by the fact that we are so fading. How so often we don't take advantage of times that we are offered to make life changes. I feel one of the most common things when people die is they have so many regrets....when I was in bed last night and drifting off to sleep this thought stirred me...I could die...I am getting older, I am over 40 and what am I doing? A mid-life crisis? Maybe.



I think there is a time in a life that you wakeup and realize God can take me anytime He chooses. Stop being so selfish and make your life count for something. I don't want to have regrets when I die. What are you trying to teach me Father? Psalm 104:29 " But if you turn away from them, they panic. When you take away their breath, they die and turn again to dust. When you send your Spirit, new life is born to replenish all the living of the earth." God gives and takes life.

I ran across these two verses and they so encouraged my heart..."the righteous man may fall seven times and rise again..and...though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down; for the LORD upholds him with His hand." Father how thankful I am that you hold me when I am not even aware of You. Help me to rise again. I surely don't want to stay where I am. While I am waiting renew my strenghth....I want to mount up with wings like eagles so I can run and not be weary and walk and not faint. This seems to be a thread throughout my whole life. I have been weary since I was a child. I have tried to care for myself in selfish pride and not even knowing what I was doing ( after God saved me) At times my flesh or Satan whispers " He doesn't hear you Tiffini, you have gone to far. Almost like my earthly father in that I am not good enough or loveable so therefore I will cast you away." God will then remind me that is a lie but to be honest I do battle this. This is one of those lies that is so embedded in my belief system that I need God's healing to take it away forever.

Matthew 7:11 says " If you then being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask Him" Doesn't that blow your mind? For those of us who have no father figure or were abused by our father etc. Can you even imagine that in your real life? But God says this is who He is and we are to believe it. Lord help my unbelief!! I want to experience this truth time and time again. I pray this for my children also. YOU ARE NOT LIKE OUR EARTHLY FATHERS!!!

I am so torn as to what to do. Do I get a job? My heart is to be home and care for the kids etc. I don't know what he is going to do in this whole thing. Only you can see the whole picture Father...be my eyes and ears so I can hear you about all else...even mySELF talk. Put a permanent bandage over those wounds on my heart so it can heal. I don't want the anger, bitterness, resentment to be a permanent part of my character. Give my ears attentiveness so I CAN hear you above all else.